For the past couple of months I have been running a bit of a social experiment. That social experiment is called "trying to get a girlfriend" and the results are not impressive. Not because I am having trouble finding a girl I can be with but better yet trying to find someone who is not pushing the drama meter into the red.
Lets start with subject 1. A social butterfly and self proclaimed bitch who has nothing better to do than to drink and cry over the troubles that plague her life. I am astonished to think that so much effort can be afforded to whining about how shitty someones life is or how someone is treating this sad individual. I decided to play it slow. I liked this girl and yet a part of me (probably the rational side) kept telling me "don't do it, bitch is crazy, don't do it, I'm fucking warning you."
I did it.
The end result is humorous to say the least. First of all I don't know if I am a mystery to the universe or if people just see me as more complicated than I am. I offered to go out to dinner, have basic conversation and see where life took us. Had a nice plan all laid out about how everything should go and of course when dealing with people of the opposite gender everything gets straight slung the fuck sideways. All of a sudden I hear I am some raging pervert who wants to stick my Johnsonville into everyone's bratwurst. Guffawed I attempt to clear the air and figure out what the fuck just happened with no result.
I thought it was over so I cut my losses and just stopped talking to this person. About 2 months later we meet up again. I am shit faced hammered and we start talking and one thing leads to another and we are booking a room at a Comfort Inn. Now in my mind I'm trying to figure out what the fuck is going on and the overall experience was so confusing and weird that I of course threw all judgment to the wind and did the deed with this person who already had concerns about my integrity..proved her right I guess.
The next morning after the drink wore off and my mind started working again I thought it would be best to try and do...something...I mean, what the fuck do you do when you just did what I did under those circumstances. So I asked a very basic question. "Do you like me?" The response was a yes so I thought I just hit a home run, mind you I had been crushing on this girl for some time so I was ecstatic.
Until....that week. Once away from each other the weirdness came back. My calls and texts went unanswered. Me thinking rationally again I thought it would be nice to go out and talk about what happened. But no go we decided to just stay friends and all is now as they say history. However I still find it quite humorous that in a way she did to me exactly what she was afraid that i was going to do to her. Ironic? Maybe. Just a drunk bitch needing a lay? More than likely but of course I end up being the asshole..gotta love it.
Eventually I shall chronicle all of my resent findings when trying to attract/appease/bargain with the opposite sex but for now I shall leave it at this.
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