There are many who are lost in this world, hoping to find a way to a happier and successful end. I am one of those people. I have stumbled through life think that just getting by would help me to realize my dreams. Now a part of me wishes to go back and make a greater effort towards exerting myself in the direction that I am finally realizing.
Regret is a cruelty that helps us remember what we long to forget. I refuse to let what I have failed at in the past prevent me from understanding what I need to do to achieve the future that I wish to have. There is still a part of me that is broken. A part of me that regardless of how much I try to repair the damage that has been done I can do nothing but watch the images of what happened float through my mind. I lost her, forever, I wish nothing more than to go back and relive our last healthy days together over and over again. I have never felt so alive, so loved, so accepted. I have been afraid to love, I understand what it is like to lose someone that was closer than family to me of cancer. I hope that I was able to ease some of her pain in her final days.
My child, why have you haunted me these long years? Why have your cries awoken my deepest sleep? The tears I shed for you and your mother were the most I have shared for any thing and I long for nothing more than to hold you both close to me. I think of you both often, and I hope that whatever is past this life, you are happy in it. I will join you when my own time has come.
Fuck life and all of its ignorance. I pity those who cannot look past their own measly issues to realize what great chances are still left to be enjoyed. I have to live with my own regrets, and I am certain that I will make plenty more, but I have a life to carry out, and there is nothing more powerful against regret than an ultimate determination to figure out what the fuck we are here for.
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