So today I had a pretty fun argument with the ex/roommate over her inability to give a shit about any one else other than herself. It started off with me having a couple of her sodas, so this morning I see a sticky note on the box letting me know that I have over stepped my bounds, so rather than drinking a soda, I have the last glass (less than) of her orange juice. This seems to be a bigger deal than soda now post argument, but I left a reply on the sticky note that was attached letting her know that I need her to bitch at me for important stuff, not soda.
Shit proceeded to hit the fan, because when I got home I had 3 sticky notes attached to my monitor, one was her giving her miss independent attitude and telling me that she will sticky up whatever she damn well pleases, which is funny, and pointless, and also about me drinking her OJ. So I decide that I may have over stepped my bounds and the last 8 months of me supporting her broke ass does not count for anything, so i decide I will just replace the drink today after work.
A heated exchange takes place over all of these facts about how it is a matter of respect blah blah thats over etc etc. So after the conversation she tells me that she will not be able to take care of her half of the rent, so I ask why since she has had a job for well over a month and needs to start pulling her own weight. Also, as a side note, I saw this coming because I made sure to remind her that next week rent was due, and she was giving me these little quirks about how she will try and have the money, so I saw this coming. Anyways, long story short she is a broke bitch who can't handle responsibility and I regret ever brining her here. I can see why her mom beat her, she is a total bitch about everything, and no one is right but her, and she takes no responsibility for her life.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Boredom
Among the waving trees I wait and watch and hope, yet all that ever becomes of it is boredom. I do not know what it is that I am waiting for, yet I know that I must.
This week has not been one of the more pleasant weeks that I have experienced. I think that most of the unpleasantness stems from the fact that I do not get any days off this week. I am not looking forward to over time this weekend, especially since I cannot even sit in my own seat during the back log weekend. If all of the teams are going to be pretty much all together anyways...then what is the point of putting us in differing pods? Whatever, the manager assigned to this project is a fucking dip shit, so it makes sense that stupid shit like this has happened.
I have an hour and a half before I need to get ready for work. (Another smooth move that seems to be commonplace with other people is that my schedule became switched. So I have to come in from 8am - 5pm tomorrow, even though there is a training class that falls within my shift). So with that time I think that I am going to get through a couple episodes of Soul Eater, and then get my happy ass to work.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Regret: The sleeping cruelty
There are many who are lost in this world, hoping to find a way to a happier and successful end. I am one of those people. I have stumbled through life think that just getting by would help me to realize my dreams. Now a part of me wishes to go back and make a greater effort towards exerting myself in the direction that I am finally realizing.
Regret is a cruelty that helps us remember what we long to forget. I refuse to let what I have failed at in the past prevent me from understanding what I need to do to achieve the future that I wish to have. There is still a part of me that is broken. A part of me that regardless of how much I try to repair the damage that has been done I can do nothing but watch the images of what happened float through my mind. I lost her, forever, I wish nothing more than to go back and relive our last healthy days together over and over again. I have never felt so alive, so loved, so accepted. I have been afraid to love, I understand what it is like to lose someone that was closer than family to me of cancer. I hope that I was able to ease some of her pain in her final days.
My child, why have you haunted me these long years? Why have your cries awoken my deepest sleep? The tears I shed for you and your mother were the most I have shared for any thing and I long for nothing more than to hold you both close to me. I think of you both often, and I hope that whatever is past this life, you are happy in it. I will join you when my own time has come.
Fuck life and all of its ignorance. I pity those who cannot look past their own measly issues to realize what great chances are still left to be enjoyed. I have to live with my own regrets, and I am certain that I will make plenty more, but I have a life to carry out, and there is nothing more powerful against regret than an ultimate determination to figure out what the fuck we are here for.
Regret is a cruelty that helps us remember what we long to forget. I refuse to let what I have failed at in the past prevent me from understanding what I need to do to achieve the future that I wish to have. There is still a part of me that is broken. A part of me that regardless of how much I try to repair the damage that has been done I can do nothing but watch the images of what happened float through my mind. I lost her, forever, I wish nothing more than to go back and relive our last healthy days together over and over again. I have never felt so alive, so loved, so accepted. I have been afraid to love, I understand what it is like to lose someone that was closer than family to me of cancer. I hope that I was able to ease some of her pain in her final days.
My child, why have you haunted me these long years? Why have your cries awoken my deepest sleep? The tears I shed for you and your mother were the most I have shared for any thing and I long for nothing more than to hold you both close to me. I think of you both often, and I hope that whatever is past this life, you are happy in it. I will join you when my own time has come.
Fuck life and all of its ignorance. I pity those who cannot look past their own measly issues to realize what great chances are still left to be enjoyed. I have to live with my own regrets, and I am certain that I will make plenty more, but I have a life to carry out, and there is nothing more powerful against regret than an ultimate determination to figure out what the fuck we are here for.
Imagination
I have always had a very vivid imagination. I have created stories and worlds and settings for most of my life. I have often wondered what causes my own imagination to be. I have always loved stories that involve some great and epic adventure where the line between good and evil is set, and the tale of the hero is one that follows a winding path to see whether or not success will conclude his adventure.
These stories interest me mostly due to the fact that in the real world there is no set adventure. We have to pick our way through the nonsense and the schemes and scams that make up our daily routine and for many it is just a constant repetition of trying to get through the day. We go home eat watch television till we finally fall asleep and repeat the cycle over again. Personally, I feel that we are made for something better, I have yet to figure out what that "better" is or what it entails, however, I do my best to ensure that I am always working towards something. I have turned my life into a series of adventures that most would consider mundane, and I do this because I do not want my own creativity to suffer due to lack of exercise.
These stories interest me mostly due to the fact that in the real world there is no set adventure. We have to pick our way through the nonsense and the schemes and scams that make up our daily routine and for many it is just a constant repetition of trying to get through the day. We go home eat watch television till we finally fall asleep and repeat the cycle over again. Personally, I feel that we are made for something better, I have yet to figure out what that "better" is or what it entails, however, I do my best to ensure that I am always working towards something. I have turned my life into a series of adventures that most would consider mundane, and I do this because I do not want my own creativity to suffer due to lack of exercise.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Last Night in Newtown
Last night I had the opportunity to go to a new place to drink and had a nice relaxing evening listening to music in a new subdivision off of 94 in St Charles Missouri. First of all this subdivision was very movie-set esque, and to make matters worse the town hall looked exactly like the town hall from Back to the Future.
Anyways we did a typical pub crawl, go to a place have some food, have some drinks and then move onto the next bar and repeat the same thing. Justin, Ernestine and I made the trek out and we had a lot of fun. New people are always exciting to meet, and these people we no exception. There is nothing like lewd conversation among strangers to make the awkwardness go away.
The first bar that we went to was called Beatniks and for entertainment they had a music couple that played a lot of good music. They played anything from Pink Floyd, to the Eagles, and quite a bit of newer stuff like Umbrella by Rhianna. The weirdest part about this bar was that in the front there were a bunch of dummies, and of course after a few drink we decided to take advantage of one:
It was a good time. When we got back to Justin's house the room started to spin and I ended up getting sick a couple of times and then passing out on his incredibly large chair. Twas a good night in Newtown.
Anyways we did a typical pub crawl, go to a place have some food, have some drinks and then move onto the next bar and repeat the same thing. Justin, Ernestine and I made the trek out and we had a lot of fun. New people are always exciting to meet, and these people we no exception. There is nothing like lewd conversation among strangers to make the awkwardness go away.
The first bar that we went to was called Beatniks and for entertainment they had a music couple that played a lot of good music. They played anything from Pink Floyd, to the Eagles, and quite a bit of newer stuff like Umbrella by Rhianna. The weirdest part about this bar was that in the front there were a bunch of dummies, and of course after a few drink we decided to take advantage of one:
It was a good time. When we got back to Justin's house the room started to spin and I ended up getting sick a couple of times and then passing out on his incredibly large chair. Twas a good night in Newtown.
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